“Stop acting so small”, said Rumi, the Sufi poet. If you’re going to be in relationship and engage love, prepare to change and be changed. Technically, from a psychological point of view, we cannot change another person. They make those choices.
True, we make our choices. Yet from a quantum view, and really a deeply spiritual one as well, we are changing each other and ourselves continually with energy, the love or judgment we see and act through, and how we attend to ourselves, for example. We are sovereign and we are communal.
If you adopt this perspective, it brings you to quick attention of how responsible (creative not controlling) you are for your life, your energy, the perspectives you operate from, your potential, and the potential change you bring to others.
I am preparing the wedding ceremony for my clients, Maggie and Nick, who have asked me to marry them. A first for me, an incredible honor, and a creative playground with their only directions being to, “just do what you do”. Some of my favorite concepts of love and relationship will find their way writ in their ceremony. I’m excited to share them for their ears first.
As their wedding approaches, love and what makes it rich, original, and lasting, is forefront on my mind! Intimacy – into-me-see — the kind great marriages, life-long relationships, and close friendships are made of, for example, are profoundly expansive adventures.
To do it well we must keep leaning into the inconceivable, knowing – and enjoying the fact — that the learning never ends. There is always more to learn about another, about yourself. You will be called upon to connect more deeply, to more vulnerability, more trust, more enjoyment of the other, more opening of yourself, daring to believe the honeymoon never ends, learning to receive, to love yourself more, to find a third way, to love another more, to find a way to communicate, to understand, to stay engaged.
And perhaps most profoundly, to seek not for love, as Rumi said, but to seek and find all the barriers you have built against it.” As you change, so does the other person. As you shift your barriers to love such as giving to get or protect yourself, past experience, self criticism, judgment, outworn stories of why you are the way you are, ensconced beliefs about “men” or “women”, or limiting how good it can get, you align your frequency to more love. Or put another way, you open the door for more love to arrive. When the Velcro of no longer useful concepts are gone within you, your external world must show up different as part of the mirror. That includes your partner. And you may find yourself saying to the mirror, “my how you’ve changed.” And you will be correct because both of you have!
With that in mind, for a journey like this, go with someone you trust to unfold with, who will be devoted to their own unfolding, and, whom you trust will unfold you with great care. We want our closest relationships to be reflections we can grow in. Because as you find yourself known and knowing the other, you will find yourself loving ever more than you thought conceivable as your heart and mind keep expanding to who you are becoming in this ever-so-sacred adventure.
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