Gaps & Sparks

Mutual fire…

I finally slowed down in my day and thought, what is going on with me? What had started as a pretty wonderful, energized day had become heavy and gray (not caused by the climate!), my future feeling dismal, and anxious. I knew immediately it wasn’t mine and I looked through the day to see what had taken place and where this started. 

 I’d run into a past friend who’s greeting seemed to everyone else in the room to be cheerful and harmless. I didn’t want to believe it at first. But I heard internally as I reflected on the moment what I’d advised clients many times, “When the words and actions don’t match the feeling, trust the feeling.” I took my own advice and felt the peace of its resonance. 

 I’d been slimed. “Erma Bombeck used that word “slimed” and described it to a T in one of her books decades ago,” said a friend of mine. “Really,?” I said, feeling immediate validation. 

 Bombeck’s advice, wry sense of humor and practical wisdom had brought her great success as a syndicated humor columnist and author of 15 books. I was delighted to know that this salt-of-the-earth person and self-declared housewife had described the vagaries of being slimed long before “energy” was a household term. (If any of you happen to know which book, please let me know!) 

 Once the heaviness cleared, I could feel and see life clearly again and had an epiphany of affirmation in choices I’d made years earlier to step back from relationships that, however loyal and generous they seemed on the surface, were incongruent under the surface and drawing energy. It felt like a splitting hairs kind of decision at the time, yet one important to what I was here to create and become in this life.

 This opportunity arrived to bring to my attention and dissolve a slow leak of doubt I’d been carrying about that decision and turn it into greater joy for going forward. The almost imperceptible question I’d carried alongside my confidence was now gone as to whether I’d made the best decision in a deeply valued relationship. In its place I felt of whoosh of clarity, lightness and joy. 

 My feeling and experience wasn’t to confirm this person was a bad person, that I’m too sensitive, that I should believe the niceness, that everyone else must be accurate. It was like being in class again in high school or college or whenever that was, and the teacher saying this is the short straw (when it is clear that it isn’t ) and seeing how many will follow suit in the group-think that it is the short straw, or stand their ground that it was not. 

 Someone who is sliming or projecting negativity toward others is coming from their own insecurities. Venom instead of peace.

 The challenge, or opportunity to reclaim more steam for life going forward, was to my ability to discern and affirmmy choice from years ago, by what was invisible to everyone else, to acknowledge the incongruence, and trust myself though I was the only one picking up on the distinction. I was free. My mind feeling like I’d just put in place a last puzzle piece. Click. 

 Perhaps someday there will be a new way in the relationship, but it will be ushered in on my joy, not my doubt or drain or ignoring the slime to close the gap with niceness. 

 Have you ever seen a spark plug for an engine? It must have a certain gap for the spark to leap across the two points to fire the engine. If this gap is too much or too little, the engine doesn’t run smooth.

 Likewise, if we are filling in the gap of our relationships trying to maintain a bond that isn’t healthy with niceness and not acknowledging what we really feel, we are closing the gap and ‘not firing.’ If we are invested in relationships where the gap is too big, then there is not a spark that mutually fires our souls.

 You know what it feels like to be in relationship with people who light each other up. I was affirmed that day of the assessment I’d made of the gap in that relationship.

 Sparks please. I’m into mutual fire ;-).

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