Between bites of peanut butter mousse and flourless chocolate torte, a friend recently confided he’d felt insecure all his life about his natural inclination to be quiet and observe while others were talking; for enjoying people, but being less socially inclined than his friends or his introverted siblings.
We could hang some labels on his nature, but let’s not. Let’s take it for what it is in his own description without the boxes. He used to compare himself to others, to his brother, to his friends and wonder what was wrong with him.
That is, until recently. He met someone. A female someone, who appreciates this quality in him most of all. To her it feels deeply trustworthy, attractive, and exactly what she was looking for. Where his friend gets frustrated with him, she loves that he thinks deeply.
Suddenly he has a new perspective of his uncommonness, or what I see as his gift, at least one of them. He feels purpose in his belonging and value in his unique nature.
We can’t really hide those parts of ourselves. When we try, it simply distorts their expression into idiosyncrasies and neuroticisms, while they are still there valiantly seeking to break through the morass, addictions, or whatever, and express themselves.
The hardest and easiest thing you’ll ever do is be yourself. And you’ll live your whole life unfolding, growing, and discovering who that is in the mirrors of relationships, experiences, goals and intentions, and self-directed awareness.
Thank goodness we’re not static. We’re meant to play with all that movement and shape its potential into who we become.
Whatever my clients are seeking to create, I ask them, what comes after that? When you have that dollar amount, the new company, next career, ecstatic joy, confidence, the relationship, the healing, the new home, you’re in love with your life, your passion, creativity, your book is published, you’re traveling… What then?
The longer vision reminds them, and all of us, that even the greatest thing we can imagine now is only a step in this romping adventure, even if it looks like a quantum leap at the moment. And even more than that, the core of any desire is greater expression of one’s self.
Likewise for my friend. The realization that his uncommonness was on someone else’s wishlist is just the beginning of what he can realize in himself and give to others by hanging out in the wholeness of his uncommon.
As puzzle pieces, we will morph and change shape as we move through space and life. We are each whole within ourselves and part of something greater with each other. Your wholeness in being yourself will match the wholeness of others who are eager to be part of a bigger picture with you.